2003
DECEMBER
AUGUST
APRIL
MARCH
JANUARY
2002
APRIL
NOVEMBER
12, 2003 [Wednesday]
Back in Portland. Arrived a couple days ago. 2 1/2 weeks
alone before Alexa joins me. Must make best use of my time while
I'm so FREE. Glorious. I attended a board meeting
where I was asked to speak about my project, to try to begin to build
interest for the long haul ahead. I was also asked to comment
on the building PCS want to acquire, which really seems to be happening.
I feel it's absolutely essential to the future viability and
success of the theater. I'm sincerely moved by the courage,
ingenuity and faith that the Board has shown in going forward with
the Armory project. And it was only a very short time ago that it was
a wishful notion. So much comes from DECLARING THE INTENTION.
Spent most of the day looking over my notebook, catching myself up
on this project. And reading through my pile of Huntsville research,
to which I have only just attended.
Rose Riordan accompanied me to a lecture by Vito Acconci. It
was sponsored by PICA [Portland Institute of Contemporary Art], held
in the Congregational Church, filled with lots of young artist types.
Whenever I think of Vito Acconci I think of an upside down house—one
of his pieces I saw about 15 years ago. His work has moved almost
completely into the architectural realm, from his early days as an
installation/conceptual artist [things like lying under the gallery
floor masturbating while fantasizing about the visitors walking over
him]. He is a searcher, completely unpretentious, a relentless
questioner. I don't love his work as much as the mind and
soul that creates it. He thinks about things inside-out-upside-down.
He wants to be In The World, to affect people in their everyday lives,
to this end thinks of architecture as "art of the everyday world."
Instead of being only in the art world. He uses existing materials
and spaces in new, twisted, expanded ways. He is self-deprecating
and honest and accessible. I used to go to these kinds of events all
the time. Now, rarely. But when I do, it's usually
Heaven. Art. Life. Ideas. Inspiration.
NOVEMBER
14, 2003 [Friday]
Finished bio of Abraham Lincoln [The Last Best Hope of Earth by
Mark E. Neely, Jr.]. I know so little of American history, it's
shameful. What a politician Lincoln was, and what a tough customer, so completely
pragmatic. It's as if his presidency was some kind of cosmic
mandate, and lasted only as long as his particular service would be
beneficial—maybe he was the only one who could have taken the country
through those events? He became the president almost by default,
and then his entire presidency was essentially one endless balancing
act. Interesting internal contradictions: adamantly opposed to
slavery and at the same time subject to deep racial prejudice. He
was an enigmatic, contradictory figure. Seemed to understand
that politics was a process and required stealth, compromise, toughness,
flexibility, endurance [characteristics the current Republican occupant
of the White House might adopt]. He was a nose-to-the-grindstone
type, doggedly determined, not easily flustered or frustrated, willing
to try, try again and again.
How
to pack all that into an image for APOLLO…
"He was pre-eminently the white man's president, entirely devoted
to the welfare of the white men. He was ready and willing
at any time during the first years of his administration to deny, and sacrifice the rights of humanity in the colored people to promote
the welfare of the white people of this country. In all his
education and feeling he was an American of the Americans…we
are at best only his step-children…the Union was to him more
than our freedom or our future." [Frederick Douglass]
Already bought a stack of books at Powell's. Danger.
NOVEMBER
19, 2003 [Wednesday]
It's been nine [very full] days already. To date:
attended four meetings for APOLLO, one board meeting, read two
books, seen one movie,two plays, one concert and one lecture.
Up till 5 am finishing Eric Foner's Reconstruction
[600+ pages in three days]. Learned probably more than I
need to know about the U.S. 1863-1877. Of course, having
lived all my days without knowing about any of it, it's probably
the minimum of what I should know. One of the most striking things
for me, in reading this history, is the relentless struggle of humanity to renegotiate
its positions in the face of earthshaking historical events. Clearly
people are in large measure responsible for events. However,
it is rare that we ever understand, or are ready for the real impact,
the consequences of those events. And so there is this constant
grappling with that. Emancipation of the slaves in America
is an event that we are still grappling with. It is huge. I'm
moved by the struggle of the mortals in the thick of things to
try to make a better country, to try to do right, even when compromise
and less than pure motives cloud the way. Often it seems
that we back into these decisions, out of immediate self interest,
almost
against our will, or ignorant of what we’re actually doing.
Still, there seems to be a steady, veeerrry slow progression toward the
righteous goal [call me naive or an optimist or just plain
ignorant, but this is how the bold brushstrokes look to me]. The
country was so young at the time of the Civil War, and Emancipation new world of relationships and contexts for which people had no
references, and they had to try to figure out how to make the country
work under those new conditions, fraught with passions, hatreds, vengeful
resentments and ungodly fear. The fact that they got as far
as they did as quickly as they did, is rather miraculous, despite
the fact that it ended in failure and the situation reversed and became worse than
it had been during slavery. Violent reaction. But what stays with me is the human struggle to figure it out, all the resolutions
and acts and amendments; the efforts to understand and live what
it means to be free, what "all men are created equal" means,
what the best intentions of our nation could create, what our relationship
is to our government, and what we want our government to be and
to do. Very interesting. The book is wonderfully written, and provocative, and it opened up a
plethora of new research [sometimes
the notes and
bibliography are as valuable as the body of the book].
This
research is an endless thread back in time. I love the research,
the learning. But I don't have any idea where I'm
heading. The project is no clearer to me now than it
was months ago. I remember feeling, at some point, that
I had a firmer notion of this project, and that in fact I only
wanted to get to this part because it felt like the more significant stuff. But
I have no idea what made me think that. What were the
ideas that made sense? Shit. I'm completely lost and not up to the task. I think I'm
going to have to actually do a lot of writing/inventing in
this piece. And that scares the shit out of me. I am not a writer of
that order. I do not know how to proceed. And yet, here I am, proceeding…
IMAGES AND IDEAS FROM RECONSTRUCTION
• Lincoln on that tightrope.
• MOMENT OF TRUTH: Slave owners faced with FREED MEN AND WOMEN—what
the hell was that moment like? This is an opportunity to create
a profound inner event for the characters. It's like a
massive earthquake which re-configures the foundations of people's
lives and perspectives. Like the lift-off of the SATURN
V ROCKET. Nothing will ever be the same after these things. Beginnings of
new worlds. And then…
• WHAT IS FREEDOM???
• WHAT IS EQUALITY [natural, civil, political, social equality]?
• WHAT IS A CITIZEN?
"We claim exactly the SAME RIGHTS, PRIVILEDGES AND IMMUNITIES as are
enjoyed by white men—we ask nothing more and will accept
nothing less…The law no longer knows white nor black,
but simply men, and consequently we are entitled to ride in
public conveyances, hold
office, sit on juries and do everything else which we have
in the past been prevented from doing solely on the ground
of color." —Statement
from an Alabama convention, 1866
• 13th Amendment—abolishing slavery throughout the Union. Some
saw as the end of a question, others saw as beginning: "Verily
the work does not end with the abolition of slavery, but only
begins." —Frederick
Douglass.
• White's pathological fear of their former slaves [insurrection
panic]: why the hysteria? If slavery is part of the "natural
order" of things, if everyone had been treated so correctly
and was so happy, why would white people be afraid of being
attacked by
blacks? Unacknowledged/disowned/sublimated guilt. Can
we find a way to articulate this idea?
"…Only the wildest fancy of a distempered brain could envision an
act of Congress conferring upon Blacks all the civil rights pertaining
to a white man." —James G. Blaine [before the Civil
War]
• The depth of HATRED, PREJUDICE AND FEAR of whites toward blacks.
• CIVIL RIGHTS BILL: 1st attempt to give meaning to the 13th Amendment,
to define in legislative terms, the essence of freedom. The number
of subsequent Civil Rights Bills or Acts since Reconstruction is truly
astounding. How many damn Civil Rights Bills does a country
need?
• [By the way, Native Americans and women are consistently excluded
from citizenship, and even any real discussion of citizenship.]
•
THADDEUS STEVENS: leading radical Congressman/Abolitionist. He
exemplifies the struggle, the compromise of real politics,
and the wisdom of the best of the people in government.
• LAND RE-DISTRIBUTION. Another enormous issue, never resolved. Endless
BETRAYAL of blacks by whites. Searing image.
• Dept. of the Absurd: South Carolina school for DEAF AND BLIND
children became SEGREGATED.
• 1866 KU KLUX KLAN: Founded as Tennessee social club. Machine
of terror, military force serving interests of Democratic party, enforcing
white supremacy, reversing changes brought by Reconstruction, destroying
Republican party infrastructure, controlling black labor force, restoring
racial subordination in every aspect of Southern life. Hugely
successful program. Legitimized violence, involved prominent
members of community. Succeeded, in part, due to SILENCE of whites,
indicating tacit approval.
IMAGE: Women sitting around sewing Klan robes and costumes.
"Tongues cannot express the time here. Our fore parents was
broth from Africa and here we are in the way without a resting
place to stand on in the God's…world…Save us if you
can. —black veteran to Alabama Governor Wm. H. Smith
• 1875 End of Reconstruction. "The negro will disappear from the
field of national politics. Henceforth, the nation, as
a nation, will have nothing more to do with him." —The Nation,
April 5, 1877
"Thus, the slave went free; stood a brief moment in the sun; then moved
back again toward slavery." —W.E.B. DuBois [Black
Reconstruction in America]
NOVEMBER 26, 2003 [Wednesday]
Don't know what to do with myself. Got a call from two people on the artistic staff of the Mark Taper Forum: Anthony
Byrnes and Luis Alfaro [Director of New Play Development]. Anthony had
seen one of our earliest workshop presentations of APOLLO PART 1
at the L.A. History Project/Edge of the World Theatre Festival, and seemed
to really like the piece. About a year later [just last
month], he brought Luis to see another workshop, and today
they called to say they want to find a way to support further development of the
piece at the Taper. They proposed a two-part process
with a reading in February, followed by a 10-day workshop in
June culminating in a staged presentation. And they offered a dramaturg and
research assistant. The idea that our little skit would suddenly
come under the Taper's umbrella is mind-reeling, almost absurd. Especially
after the futile pushes I've made in the past for some
support from those quarters. All manner of issues to consider
if this actually goes down [like how does Critical Mass interact with a big
institution, among other items]. It sounds like it's
not all written in stone, but that the February "reading"
will definitely happen, which means that I actually have to "write" something,
try to live up to something. [And, not to get too far ahead
of myself, and project even more anxiety onto this phone call,
but what does a "reading" look
like with the way the company works? We've never
had a reading—it's always staged because so much
of the work is non-verbal). I'm wary, and at the
same time feel like I'm holding a winning lottery ticket. Frightening. Thrilling.
Feels like I'm on the high dive and it's a long way down.
